Sometimes the biggest thing holding us back is the conversation happening inside our own heads.
We hit a setback. We ask ourselves a lousy question. We describe it with a word that makes it feel even worse. Then we spend time with people who reinforce the same story.
That can become a pattern. But we can start changing it.
In this episode of DMJ 1 on 1, I explore three mindset shifts inspired by Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, one of the most impactful books I have read. The idea connecting them is simple: better questions lead to better thoughts, better actions, and a better life.
Watch the episode below, then pick one shift to practice this week.
1. Ask Yourself Better Questions
Think about the questions you ask when something goes wrong.
Why does this always happen to me? Why am I so bad at this? What’s the point?
Those questions send your attention toward everything that feels broken. They make it easy to collect reasons to stay frustrated and harder to see a useful next step.
A better question gives you somewhere else to look.
- Instead of asking why this is happening to you, ask what it is teaching you.
- Instead of asking why you cannot do something, ask how you can get better at it.
- Instead of asking what is wrong with you, ask what one thing you can do differently.
The situation may be exactly the same. Your approach to it can change.
For example, imagine a sales conversation that does not lead to a sale. Asking why you are terrible at sales leaves you stuck with a label. Asking what you could improve in your next conversation gives you something to practice.
Maybe you need to listen longer. Maybe you need a clearer question. Maybe the prospect was never the right fit.
You can work with a specific next step. Start by catching one unhelpful question today and replacing it.
2. Replace Words That Turn Up the Heat
The words we use to describe an experience can make it feel bigger than it needs to be.
There is a difference between saying you are terrible at something and saying you are still developing that skill. One sounds permanent. The other leaves room for progress.
The same applies to saying you always mess something up. Always takes one difficult moment and stretches it across your entire story.
Pay attention to words like always and never. Are they accurate? Or are they turning a setback into an identity?
Try replacing “I always mess this up” with “I haven’t figured this out yet.” Replace “I’m terrible at sales” with “I’m still developing this skill.” If you need rest, say that plainly.
The goal is to describe what happened honestly and keep it in proportion. A disappointing meeting can be disappointing without becoming evidence that your whole business is failing.
That matters for leaders, too. The language you use about a challenge helps set the tone for the people working through it with you.
Before your next reaction, pause long enough to choose a more accurate word. Give yourself room to respond thoughtfully.
3. Spend More Time With Aspirational People
Who gets your time?
We often think about the people around us in terms of their habits. But their questions, words, and expectations can influence us, too.
Spend time with someone who looks for lessons in a setback, and you get to hear what that sounds like. Spend time with someone who is learning a new skill, and you see how they talk about the uncomfortable part of getting better.
Look for people who stretch your thinking and encourage you to take useful action. That might be a mentor, a business community, a mastermind, or someone you already know and admire.
You do not have to rebuild your entire social circle. Start by being intentional about adding those conversations.
Who is one aspirational person you have access to right now? Have you made time for them lately? Reach out. Ask what they are learning or how they are approaching a challenge.
Sometimes a better conversation is the starting point for a better habit.
Make One Small Shift This Week
These three mindset shifts support each other. Better questions help you think more constructively. More measured language helps you keep challenges in perspective. Aspirational people give you examples to practice.
You do not need to overhaul your life this week. Pick one:
- Replace one unhelpful question.
- Catch one exaggerated word and make it more accurate.
- Reach out to one person who inspires you to grow.
Then do it again tomorrow. Small shifts become more useful when we practice them consistently.
Ask Better Questions About Your Marketing, Too
You can apply that habit to your business. Instead of asking why your marketing never works, ask where the gaps are and what you can improve next.
Our Visibility Roadmap audits your physical and digital marketing, identifies gaps, and shows you how to address them—with or without our help implementing the plan.
