by Kirby Hasseman
I was asked to attend a meeting this morning. It was a little early, but I certainly could have been there. But as I sit here typing this post, I am glad that I said “no.”
When you are a people pleaser, a do-er or an entrepreneur, sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to say the word “no.” You want to help and you love to be included. So when you get the request to join a committee, attend a meeting, or help on a project your automatic response is to say “yes” and figure it out. And, in my experience, the more successful you get the more people want you on their committee!
But there is a cost to saying “yes” to everything.
You end up with a calendar full of things that you really don’t care about. It’s not that you are against them. In theory, you think they are great. But you calendar quickly becomes full of activities that you are NOT passionate about. And of course the problem is, you don’t have time for the things you are passionate about!
Several years ago I came across a rule from Derek Sivers from his book Anything You Want. Though I still struggle to apply it all the time, it has helped me tremendously when it comes to making decisions about what to join. The rule is simple.
If this answer is not “Hell yes,” it’s “No.”
In other words, if you are so excited that you say “Hell yes,” the answer is easy. You will more than willing to bump other stuff off your calendar to work on this project. You are excited about it! But if you hesitate at all, then the answer is probably “no.” Otherwise you get a calendar full of things are are “meh” about. You are not against them. You just don’t really care.
And that is no way to live your life…or to be productive. So take a look at your calendar and evaluate how many things are “hell yes,” and how many things should be a “no.” You might want to re-evaluate your priorities and embrace the Power of No.
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by Kirby Hasseman
I was meeting with a local leader recently and he asked me what I thought about an issue he was considering. He had taken a stance that I didn’t agree with. I had kept my opinion to myself up to that point. But he asked me…so I opened up. I always tell people that “my two cents is free.” And since he had asked me, I REALLY told him!
Don’t get me wrong, I was respectful. But I was direct. He was thoughtful. He asked questions. But for those most part, he simply listened.
In the end he said, “I have been thinking about this all the wrong way.”
In other words he said “I was wrong.” And in that moment, I gained respect for him.
So often as leaders we feel like we have to have all of the answers. We need to chart a course for our team and “stay that course” and have the “courage of our convictions.” We need to be strong and confident and determined. But what happens when the information changes? What happens when the course we charted is no longer working?
And this is not just for leaders. So often, as humans, we establish an opinion or view of the world, and then move on. Often, we don’t re-examine these positions. The world changes…but do we? And if we do notice that change, doesn’t that make us weak to change our opinion? We hear people talk about politicians changing their position and we call them “flip floppers.” This is silly and small minded. The world evolves and so should we. It doesn’t make us weak, it makes us wise.
In that moment, when he said “I was wrong,” that man gained my respect. He was able to listen. He took the opportunity to get new information. Then he acted on that information. That is what true leadership looks like.
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by Kirby Hasseman
I really enjoy creating. It most often takes the form of some kind of content. We do video, podcasts and blogs that we hope will provide value, and then promote what we are trying to do. It’s my version of art. It’s what I create.
Recently, however, I took a short break. I spent September traveling a lot, and I decided to “give myself” a break from this blog. I still created videos (you can find those here on my Youtube channel) but I decided to take a breath on writing. I even took a break from the He Said She Said podcast (we came back yesterday). The idea was to refresh, re-energize and re-focus. This was my mental vacation…and that makes sense, right?
This break was good…for a short time. After that, I noticed a few things I did not expect.
Creating Is a Muscle
When you set out to write a blog nearly every day, a huge concern is that you are going to run out of ideas. I was certainly concerned with that. That is why, when I start on a goal like this, I like to have a few topics or blogs done. It gives me a “head start.” But what I found was almost the opposite. The more you create, the more your brain sees ideas for content all around you. You see a lesson in your interaction with your kids, or your team, or the cable company. Ideas for content are suddenly everywhere. Creating becomes a muscle that you can strengthen. Rather than running out of energy or ideas, you suddenly find yourself with more.
And just like a muscle, when you take TOO long of a break, the muscle gets weaker. Your brain gets a bit lazier. It misses those signals. Sure, you pick up on the big moments, but you miss the day to day. The fallacy is that you will run out of ideas. The truth is, the more you create, the stronger you get.
Where Do I Put That Energy?
The other thing I found out about myself is the act of creating is actually cathartic for me. This is where I take the time to push out value and good in the world (often first thing in the morning). The activity of writing (or editing or whatever) helps to frame my mind in a positive and productive way for the rest of my day. When I don’t do that, I have this pent of energy that needs released. And recently, I feel like I am releasing it in the form of complaining. I am still editorializing on projects, activities, elections and more. I am just doing it in a more negative and less productive way. I talk about why we all need to STOP complaining immediately here.
It’s time to be more intentional of where I put that energy. Without that, the energy will come out in other ways that might not serve me as well.
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by Kirby Hasseman
It’s time for Episode 24 of the He Said/She Said Podcast with Hasseman Marketing! This podcast is designed to give an inside look at being married and being entrepreneurs and the projects we are working on and the challenges we are facing! We talk about business, family, community and more. So listen in and let us know what you think!
On this episode we talk about…
Trending Topic
This week Kirby and Amy talk about the most recent election cycle. Kirby suggests that we need to start with the idea that, even though we might not always agree, we don’t have to be enemies. Amy talks about a recent Ellen video she saw that went with the theme. When we say “be kind,” that does not mean just to those that agree with you. Listen in to get more on this!
Weekly Whirlwind
This week in the Weekly Whirlwind Amy spends some time talking about the ups and downs of the building project. Though we all want to celebrate the wins, it’s important to understand that in every journey worth doing, there will be challenges. Amy talks about just a few in the journey to bring the building back to life!
Lesson In Life
This week in the “lesson in life” Kirby and Amy talk about the importance of being intentional at work…but also with fun!
Shout Outs
Each week we want to give a shout out to an organization or an individual doing good work. This week Kirby talks about friends Mark and Catherine Graham from Commonsku. Both are generous, smart and giving entrepreneurs…and they recently sold their first company Rightsleeve. Happy for them! Amy gives a shout out to anyone and everyone that helps with the Coshocton County Fair!
So that’s a wrap! Thanks for listening to Episode 24 of the He Said She Said Podcast! Any feedback will be welcome as we try to provide you value! If you want to subscribe you can do that where you normally get podcasts…or you can head here to follow on Soundcloud.
Thanks so much for listening! If you have any topics you want Kirby and Amy to cover, please comment and let us know! Oh…and if you like this content, check out this page where you can find all of the content we create!
by Kirby Hasseman
My wife recently shared a post on Facebook to celebrate something (that she felt) was a positive thing in our community. It was a picture of a few leaders in the local Rotary Club making a substantial donation to multiple local non-profit organizations. She is a member of the Rotary club, so I am sure there was pride mixed in with her excitement about good being done in the community.
She saw this as a completely positive (apolitical) post, so she was a bit surprised when there was pushback. Assuming there was some misunderstanding, she tried to alleviate that with a response about the good programs being affected and where the money went. It did not help…so she let it go.
But I think it raises a challenge in our current outrage culture. It made me want to take a moment and “say this out loud.”
If someone posts a picture of a local organization (that represents more than 75 local leaders) donating thousands of dollars to multiple local non-profit organizations with the intent of helping grow and develop the community, and your initial response is to crap on that post, maybe you are part of the problem.
It raises a point that I first heard in this amazing graduation speech by Tim Minchin. It’s worth watching the whole speech as Minchin gives 9 lessons on having a happier life. But I want to focus on just one today.
What are you FOR?
Many of us today define ourselves by what we are against. We are outraged by the latest politician, corporate greed, sexism, racism, ageism, or whatever the latest scandal catches the headlines. We wring our hands and shake our fists and shout (usually via keyboard) about the latest injustice that is happening. We are anti-one thing and pissed off by another thing until it seems we are against everything. It creates an angry and unproductive attitude that only creates more anger and frustration.
So, as Minchin suggests, what if we started to define ourselves by what we are FOR? What if we spent our energy thinking of things we want to be involved in or wanted to support or cheer on? What if we spent that time advocating ideas that we were passionate about? I think you would find that it would be more productive, but it would also make you happier.
On the other hand, it’s not just about what you are FOR. And that leads me to the next question.
What will you DO?
It’s great that you have a cause that you are excited about. At the very least, it’s a more productive mindset to have. But that’s just the first step. Now it’s a question of what are you willing to do? Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? Are you willing to start that business, donate to that cause or contribute your time or talent to that non-profit? It’s not about thinking happy thoughts. It’s about being wiling to roll up your sleeves and do the work. That’s where the magic happens.
So before you make that next snarky comment, post that next tweet or send your next harshly worded email, take a moment to decide what you are FOR. Not only can you actually make a difference that matters, you will also (likely) be more happy and fulfilled in the process.
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by Kirby Hasseman
I always tell people that I know when I need a vacation. It’s when the things that normally don’t bother me start to make me angry. It might be an insensitive statement, a bad driver, a slow person in line for food, or an unintended slight on my community. For the most part, these are not worthy of any level of rage. But sometimes, these start to add up and I want to unload on someone. That’s when I look in the mirror and realize, it might be time for a break.
Last week was one of those weeks.
Don’t get me wrong, there was nothing terrible. It was just a lot of little annoyances that started to add up. I even got to the point where I was ranting a bit in my office. I went so far as to record it and prepared to unleash my fury onto the unsuspecting world. Then I took a breath. I sent the video to a few trusted friends and said, “What do you think? Should I post this?” One of them, as you might suspect was my wife.
Her response? “Please don’t post that.”
I am glad I didn’t.
For me, though it feels therapeutic to unload when I am angry, it almost never ends well. (It’s one of the reasons to stop complaining). Without fail, I say something that I don’t mean. Or, often because I am frustrated, I say it without the context that I want. I hurt someone’s feelings. I alienate someone. You get the idea. And in my experience, once I say it, I almost never get the chance to take it back.
That is why I think some of the best decisions happen when I decide what NOT to say.
Sure, I could get it off my chest. I could “give them a piece of my mind.” But as I like to say: Complaining is like vomiting. It makes you feel better and everyone around you sick.
That will be my mantra this week. Take a deep breath. Gain perspective. And remember that not every idea that pops in your head needs to come out of your mouth.
Have a great week everyone.
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