by Kirby Hasseman
“How could they say that?” We have all been there. We are in a conversation (or a situation) with someone we like, and then something unexpected happens. They do something, or say something, outside of what we think they should. It catches us off guard, of course.
Then what do WE do? We assume the worst.
We start with a litany of thoughts that take us down a rabbit hole. Thoughts start racing through your mind like…
She is just rude!
He has never really liked me!
This is why I don’t have friends! They never do what they say they are going to do.
You get the idea. Our brain takes off with the worst case scenario and creates an untenable situation for us and our offenders. But is any of it really true? Did they really mean to offend you? Were they really trying to snub you? They might have been.
On the other hand, it might have been a situation that was created only in your mind.
What if we do the opposite? What if we work to train ourselves to be intentional when our brain gets hijacked with this train of negativity? What if we assume the best? Many of your relationships are in your life for a reason. They are people who care about you…and you them. Most of them likely want the best for you, right? Why don’t we assume THAT?
Instead of letting your thoughts get away from you, stop.
Take a breath and replace those thoughts with something like…
I always know where I stand with her!
She always tells me what I need to hear.
I love that he looks out for me.
They are doing the best they can.
You get the idea. Don’t beat yourself up. The brain has a natural tendency to skew toward negativity. That ability has helped to keep us alive for thousands of years. But in today’s world, it does not often serve our happiness. So today, let’s break the negative thought train. Today, when something goes differently than you expect, do yourself a favor.
Assume the best.
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by Kirby Hasseman
When I am not sure what to write about, and more importantly, what to think about, I think about what makes me grateful.
As I have said before, you cannot be negative or angry when you are grateful. So when I am stressed, or anxious or frustrated, I take a deep breath and go through this exercise. It usually only takes me a few minutes to get my mental state back on track.
Here are a few things that go through my mind when I do this.
1. My wife: I am incredibly lucky to have Amy in my life. She truly does make me want to be better. As I think about blessings in my life, she is at the top of the list.
2. My girls, Skylar and Jade: These two make me super proud. I love the young ladies they are growing into. Their journey has just begun.
3. My family: All of my family have been super supportive of me throughout my life. I am forever grateful for that.
4. The Hasseman Marketing team (yes that includes Robbie too): I can’t believe the great group we have put together here. Last night we had our holiday party…what a fun group. I am excited about what we are creating together.
5. My Coshocton County friends: What a great group of people! These are the folks that would help me out (in an instant) if needed.
6. My Promo industry friends: These folks inspire me to be better in my profession.
7. My heroes that inspire me: Though I don’t “know” these people, I watch them from afar and they get me fired up to do better in many areas of my life.
8. My health: I am so blessed to be healthy.
9. My home: Speaking of blessed, I love the place I have to rest and relax.
10. The giving spirit of Coshocton County: It’s so cool to see this small community rally together whenever there is a need.
11. Newpointe Community Church: I feel like this church has come to Coshocton just when it was needed. It’s been great for me for sure.
12. Local Leaders: I totally love the level of collaboration that is going on in Coshocton County right now. It’s at a level I have never seen. As a side note, our own Port Authority Director, Tiffany Swigert was in Washington D.C. this week. Here is a clip of her talking with Leaders there. You can hear her at about 1:06 in.
13. Industry leaders: The marketing conversation has been elevated (or at least it is being elevated) because the leaders in the industry are helping to make it happen. Let’s keep that going.
14. My puppies: When they are not pooping and peeing…they are fun.
15. The Drone: I am happy we tracked the drone down after a recent adventure. You can see that adventure here. As you can see, this is a woefully incomplete list. But it’s a start. It’s a place I can go to get my head back on straight. What does your list look like? Make sure you never miss an update! It’s time to become a VIP! I would be grateful for that. Sign up here.
by Kirby Hasseman
When it comes to accountability, I see two types of people.
There are those that always look to blame others for everything that happens to them. Then there are those that blame themselves for everything. They accept responsibility for everything…even when it’s clearly not their fault. I don’t see this as being a martyr. I see this as being a learner.
Will Smith falls in the second group. Most truly successful people do. I saw this video yesterday that illustrated this point. You can watch it here.
In the video, Will talks about his transition from junior high to high school. He went from a catholic school to a public school and decided to make a splash. In doing so, he made an enemy. Later that day, the kid assaulted Will. He hit him over the head with lock…and was taken away in handcuffs. The young Will Smith watched the other boy being taken away from the school in handcuffs.
So how did Will react? What was his takeaway? Even as a young man, Will realized he played a part. He had an influence in how this played out. He took the lesson and learned. That’s the message here. The most successful people I meet take responsibility for everything. They look for the lesson in every situation. They see that they have the ability to influence nearly everything in their life.
As I said before, this is not about being a martyr. It’s about NOT being a victim. It might not be your fault. But it is your responsibility.
As a side note, if you are looking for a cool person to follow on Youtube, the former Fresh Prince of Bel Air is awesome. You can subscribe to his channel here.
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by Kirby Hasseman
Sometimes we all get in a rut. It happens.
One day we are traveling along doing well, and the next we wake up frustrated and bored. The longer we travel along in this rut, the deeper it gets. Often, the rut is the path that we feel like we are “supposed” to do. Hell, we might even be good at it. This deeper rut makes it harder to change.
And more importantly, I think, it makes it harder to even consider changing.
“Great,” I hear you saying. “But now what?” Here are a few ways I have seen people (including me) break out of a rut.
Give Yourself Permission to Dream (Again)
When you are in a rut, sometimes it’s hard to even imagine doing something different. We become a bit of a martyr. “I have to do this because…” You have to give yourself a chance to stop thinking about what you “have” to do and consider what “excites” you. By taking off the blinders, you might be able to see.
Find Your Happy
Think about the things that you really enjoy doing. How can you do more of that. Study after study tells you that you do not need success to be happy. You need “happy” to be ore successful.
Seek out a Purpose
A really good friend of mine recently told me that the main reason for depression in the United States is a lack of purpose. You need a reason to get you up in the morning. What is your purpose? If you can’t answer that question (fairly quickly), you need to dig in and get the answer.
Create “Crazy” New Goals
Sometimes the best thing to do to snap you back is to set a new “crazy” goal that really stretches you. Maybe it’s a goal to run a 5k or a Half Marathon. Maybe you want to write a book (like this one). Maybe you want to start a new business (like one that brews beer). Forgive the silly self promotion, but these sort of “crazy” projects can often really kick start your purpose. If nothing else, I can attest that you will not be bored.
Find a Place to Push Out Good
While you are trying to get out of the rut and find your purpose, be on the look out for something nice to do for others every day. The science shows you this process will help to improve your mood and overall well-being. It’s not opinion…it’s fact. Along the way, you might find a purpose. But in the meantime, you will be pushing out more good into a world that seems to desperately need it.
So if you are in a rut, keep in mind, we all end up there. But in order to get out of a rut you need to talk action. Start here…and let me know how it goes!
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by Kirby Hasseman
Earlier this year, when talking about weekly goals with my team, I had an epiphany about big goals.
Let me set the stage. I had recently read “The 4 Disciplines of Execution” and wanted to institute some of the principles. (If you want to learn about the book, I wrote about it here). In doing so, I had instituted a weekly meeting and we discussed what we were going to do to move the company toward that goal. The goal of this meeting is to keep people accountable and to keep everyone rowing in the same direction toward a goal.
But I noticed a pattern of language that I didn’t like.
If someone had set a goal for the week and didn’t make it, they said something very specific. “Well I wanted to make 5 cold calls this week. I only got 4, so I failed.” Or they might say “I wanted to get 10 face to face meetings and I only had 7, so I failed this week.”
Then it hit me.
Many people believe that GOALS are Pass/Fail. That’s one of the problems some people have with stretch goals. They think if they don’t reach them, they have failed. I don’t agree. I love the idea of creating goals that stretch you. My attitude has always been, “If I shoot for a crazy high sales goal, and almost make it, that’s amazing. That will be much better than shooting for a low goal and making it.”
But that’s not everyone’s take. Many people get discouraged.
So in that meeting I came up with another way of looking at a big/stretch goal. I told the team, “Let’s stop looking at these as Pass/Fail. Let’s start grading our success more like we did in school. If the goal was 10 meetings and you only got 8, you didn’t reach the goal. But you did get an 80%. That’s a B!” This is not about letting people off the hook. There is still accountability. You want to get 100%. But when it comes to most goals, progress (any progress) still counts. So as you create goals for your coming year, don’t be afraid to think big. This new grading system might give you a bit of encouragement to “make the grade.”
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by Kirby Hasseman
It’s hard to believe it’s been over a half a year! For better than 6 months, I have been writing a blog post here each and every day. It’s Saturday morning, as I write this, and here I am, typing away. The experience has been enlightening in many ways, and it has forced me to stretch myself. Ed Mylett talks about being successful starts with “keeping promises to yourself,” and this has been that for me.
But one thing it has truly taught me is what I DON’T know. I don’t know what it going to work or resonate. I don’t know what is going to help people. Here is an example from this week. On Monday I posted a blog that I wrote a few years ago. It was 5 Business Lessons you can learn from Garth Brooks. I was watching a concert with him at Notre Dame Stadium and that seemed appropriate. It was a blog post that did very well.
Then on Friday I posted 5 Business Lessons you can Learn from Adam Sandler. (I had seen him on the sideline of an NBA highlight). I enjoyed writing this and thought it would really take off. I linked to outside sources. I referenced movies. This post was viewed 8 times LESS than the one above.
Was it because Garth is better than Adam?
Is one better written than the other?
Was it the time of day? Could it be the day?
What was the reason that one of them took off…and the other did not? The honest answer–after 6 months of doing this every day–is I have no idea. I think this is a strange little mind game that holds people back. They just don’t know what is going to work. So they think about it. Then they think about it some more. Then they talk about it and plan about it…and do nothing. This question of whether it is going to work creates a “paralysis by analysis.”
They literally “think” themselves out of taking action.
What I have learned from this exercise of writing every day is we need to do just the opposite. We need to lean into action, precisely because we don’t know what is going to work! That consistency of taking action is what will create the outcome we are looking for. It’s not the one action. It’s the many.
*In sales, we don’t make the sales call because it’s not the right time of day, week, year, etc. But you don’t know. So you might as well make the call.
*In fitness, we don’t start working out because we are going to wait for the next new workout plan. Just get on the treadmill.
You get the idea. Will it work? Will it fail? Will this be the magic video that goes viral? The answer, if we are honest, is we don’t know. Will this be the blog that has an impact and creates a mindset of change for you? I don’t know. So I will hit publish to find out.
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